After reviewing your first week's posts, I am disappointed by the amount of erotic hiakus written. This week, I will expect an acrostic written using the words "FINGER IN THE BUTT." Do not disappoint.
Now, on to some stats. For the first four days, if this data is correct, Jay has only eaten 2730 calories FOR FOUR DAYS. Based on my research, a standard day to hold at your starting weight is 2817 calories. MEANING, you've eaten less than one day's worth of food across four, which doesn't seem solid. Perhaps this might interest you: Click here, asshole.
However, your cardio start seems like its off in a good direction. Might I suggest starting with a benchmark each week, and working towards an overall goal. Perhaps, three days next week of exercise where you run for one minute, followed by 10 minutes of jogging for 30 minutes. Then, next week, move to 90 seconds, followed by 8 minutes of jogging, etc. It would help just to be able to see the results as you move towards them.
Or don't. Fuck you.
Bryan, your stasis calorie counter is set at 2570 (based on where you work, and with zero exercise). Over four days, you've eaten 6040 calories, cutting your calorie content by about 40% (moreso considering exercise). I still contend you're spreading yourself too thin, but your spread of food throughout the day seems in line with how you're supposed to do it (small meals throughout the day). I would also suggest setting a weekly goal for your exercise, and then treating yourself when you reach it.
I will point out though that alcohol is essentially sabotage for this game. So, if you continue drinking, you're giving Jay free calories.
Please continue to post your thoughts and experiences throughout the week, and your meals. I've ordered a new computer which will be here shortly, so maybe we can try some multimedia interviews in July.
Finally, I leave you with this:
Foreign bodies
Inserted into my
Nether regions cause
Great duress and
Emotion. But, is it
Really that much worse than an
Insanely large turd?
Nay. It's simply
The process in reverse.
Huge turd
Exits, causing relief.
But first a great deal of pain.
Ultimately,
Taking it in the ass is like a backwards poop.
Thank you.
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3 comments:
I probably consumed more than Jay's weekly diet just today. I had some horrible (as in terrible for me) leftover concotion from Buca di Beppo for lunch, followed by Jersey Mikes for dinner (complete with a Pepsi) and the leftovers of that later on at night. I also had a couple beers throughout the day and was generally lazy with no exercise whatsoever. I fell asleep on the couch watching Raging Bull and now here I am. I did fuck over Ashlee several times in rummy today (ensuring a Tom victory), however, so I consider today a general success.
Also, you three can get fucked because Tanner and I decided that the house rule here is that when you touch the cards in the discard deck they're yours (when it's your turn, obviously). And Joe and Steve also agreed that when I was pulling them away they should have been mine. So that's 4 votes to 3.
As for the competition, I hope Jay and Bryan die on the couch after no one had heard from them for two weeks like Layne Staley did (weighing like 80-some pounds..no need for all the injection holes though), and Morty gets sucked into the Earth's crevices in a CA earthquake for staying out there.
What was the ruling consensus on throwing a bitch fit, despite destroying the competition by at least 250 points?
I think everyone found smearing the cards all around the table and saying "fine, nobody plays" to be hilarious.
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