I am Phil Mickelson

A week has passed. My present weight is 210.4 lbs. That is a mere 3.8 pounds lost in a week.

I'm not keeping pace with my competitor, yet. I am reassured, however. I only exercised a few times last week due to my back spasms. Additionally, I drank twice. So I still did pretty well. Unlike my colleague I am going to ease into the competition so that it is more comfortable and sustainable; my will power is not anything compared to Jay's.

Fitness update:

My resting heart rate is ... 52 bpm. That's right, go fuck yourself. Even though I am fat I am in pretty good cardiovascular shape.

I went for a run today. I ran for 19:38 (that's how long it took to get back to the car). I ran the whole time at a pace better than a fat person would run ( so a little over 2 miles). I could have gone a half hour without dying.

Which brings me to the title of the post. Phil Mickelson, aka "Bitch Tits," was a good athlete and fat. Then he decided that he wanted to deserve his attractive wife and wear cool golf shirts, so he lost and is still losing weight. I'm soaking wet just thinking about him. He had the ability to give his wife breast cancer with the radiance of his hotness. That's so inspiring; I intend to hand out cancer like candy when I have completed my sexification.

And here's a picture of John Daly the greatest fat athlete:

When we get the multimedia going we'll make sure to have Morty do his impression of Johnny D, it's perfect.

Do yourself a big favor and google image search for John Daly (turn safe mode off of course). It's hilarious and perfect. A mug shot, girls with Johnny D (both of them topless), cigarettes, wives, beer...etc.